Debilitating Uncontrolled Memory Breach (D.U.M.B)

by Kimberly Inglis


I am not a medical doctor nor do I have any experience in this field. I may also be in that one percent of the population who has never watched an episode of Grey’s Anatomy so help me God. However, I must say that due to my recent investigations and observation I am of the firm belief that many individuals suffer from an infectious disease which I have coined as D.U.M.B, that is, Debilitating Uncontrolled Memory Breach. Listen to me! Every evening I behold National Geographic coming to life as I witness the Safari of City Gate and the stampede of homo sapiens raging into what can only be perceived as red striped transportation chambers.

This comparison may not be exactly accurate but in a way it appears to be a human demonstration of diffusion as particles move from an area of high concentration (tightly packed group of homo sapiens) to one of low concentration (the luxurious and spacious comfort of air conditioned maxis). I have managed to capture a rare photo of this phenomenon as you will see below.

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Homo sapiens suffering from D.U.M.B rush into transportation chambers.

*this is not really my picture*

Exactly how does the disease affect an individual?

To be more specific, this disease affects one’s cognitive ability and memory.  Even the simplest instructions are extremely difficult to understand and follow. For example, the individuals seen above, although involuntarily so, are not able to follow the instructions of boarding the transportation chambers (aka vehicles) in an orderly manner as the sign suggests although it occupies a permanent and highly visible spot.


I have yet to fully understand this disease but I am quite aware of it’s highly contagious nature due to how widespread it has become in our society. I would say that it is definitely airborne. Each day I am reminded of this sad reality when I come in contact with dumb people….sorry, people who suffer from D.U.M.B, and I try to stay far away for fear of catching it myself.


The following are the main symptoms:

  • Inability to follow simple instructions
  • Forgetfulness
  • Low grades
  • Repeatedly making stupid and hasty decisions
  • Constant feeling of being spaced out


The problem with detection is that people who suffer with this disease are likely to doubt that fact even in the face of the evident proof that lies in testimonies from coworkers, friends and loved ones as well as their own actions. We can only hope that many more will come to accept that they are suffering from this disease so they can get the help they so desperately need.

When should you see a doctor? 

If you have concerns after reading this you should see a doctor if you experience any of the following as you would be in or near to the chronic stages of D.U.M.B:

  • Repeatedly being called names associated with a lack of intelligence
  • Hearing comments such as ‘do you understand the words that are comin outta my mouth?’,’ ‘think a bit more’ and ‘do you even have a brain?’
  • You are unable to control the urge to make a stupid decision that you know you will regret
  • You firmly believe that you are never wrong
  • Your IQ is a negative value
  • You are completely unable to efficiently follow any instruction given
  • You pull doors that say push and vice versa

Treatment options 

Prevention is surely better than cure and in this case where the only cure seems to be a dose of common sense then we are certainly doomed because as the familiar saying goes, ‘common sense just ain’t so common’. However, if you already have the disease I recommend that you try thinking before you speak and act. Additionally you ought to read more, maybe start with the series of books entitled  ‘………… For Dummies’.


This driver has the right idea and is taking a proactive approach.

A lot of research is being done currently with the hope of eradicating this horrible disease. One dollar will be donated to the cause each time you share, comment or like this post.

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